Swamp Trekking: Jimmy's Story

As y'all know, my friends and I recently went out into the swamp so that I wouldn't go absolutely crazy with cabin fever. We had a very nice 2-hour hike, and Ben and Jimmy (both of whom had never been into this swamp) seemed stunned by the natural beauty of the place, and the way it just seems to drain all stress and the worries of everyday life...and people wonder why I love Florida so much!

Also, as you know, Jimmy has a great talent for writing rather strange stories. If you have not read his reflections on square bagels and toilet paper yet, I highly recommend that you do. I was going to write my own little boring story about this trip, but I decided to use Jimmy's more interesting one instead. I will need to edit some parts out and censor some stuff, as Jimmy has some....ummmm....inappropriate comments in his original post. I like to keep things clean here on the Minorcan Factor.

Today seemed to start off just as any normal day would, but any alert teenager would know that this wasn't just a normal day. Today was a very good day. A day commonly referred to (by the commonfolk) as an "early release day".
And it was good.

As the shortened school day came to an end, Phillip, Ben, HurricaneTeen, and I met up and decided that we should go on a magical journey as to avoid the boredom of having an extra two-three hours to sit at home and do nothing.

We went on a journey to destroy the one ring of power.

As we made our way out to the mystical woods of doom, and settling inner conflict, we made mental note of the horrors which we would have to endure on such a journey, and we prepared ourselves mentally (as well as physically) for the task that lie ahead.

Entering the forest, we immediately made our way up the river at a good speed.
After traveling non-stop at a good speed for 3 days, we decided to travel across the "bridge-log thingy of no return" for absolutely no particular reason. But Phil decided to try something really stupid (hand me my camera), and he ended up losing the camera off the "bridge-log thingy of no return". So me and Phil decided to have a duel to the death.

Me and Phil, having a duel to the death.

Needless to say, I won.

Me, proclaiming my ultimate victory and Phillip's ultimate demise.

So we continued on our merry way, and 27 days later, we ended up at the ancient and mystical landmark that has been referred to as *censored* (NOTE: The name of this place is not really that bad, but it could be considered offensive and derogatory by some, so I have taken the high road on this one)

HurricaneTeen at *censored*. That's me planning his ultimate demise in the background.

Me, revelling in HurricaneTeen's ultimate demise, which can be credited to me.

Phillip, coming back to life (not at all uncommon).

At this point, I decided that this story really isn't going anywhere. So I'm going to put in some cool elevator music and a montage to pass the time. Since this whole writing thing kind of hinders my ability to do so, put on your own elevator music and imagine a montage of me, Phil, HurricaneTeen, and Ben running through a forest.

He almost died. ***TRIVIA*** -------> That's not my foot. (HurricaneTeen note: It's mine :-D I put it there for perspective, but it is still kind of hard to see the 5-inch-deep hole.)

This is the huge cypress tree the HurricaneTeen is always talking about.

HurricaneTeen made friends with Phill's family. (Note: That's an inside joke.)

Ben, going on an angry rampage and destroying the forest in a blind fury.

We finally destroyed the ring. Because we were getting kind of tired and wanted to go home.

Then Phil and I got into a fight about whether it should be legal to put stem cells in your breakfast cereal or not (Phil likes to eat them raw for some reason), so we had another duel to the death.

Me and Phil dueling to the death (again).

Ugh... this story sucks.

Long story short, we destroyed the ring of power and then went to Burger King.

Phil, at Burger King. I don't really know if he was hungry or if he was contemplating the best way to get on the slide on the playground.

So uhh... the ring was destroyed... our stomachs were filled... Middle Earth was safe from the clutches of Sauron (again)... and... uhhh...
There really is no point to this story.

Moral: Don't argue with Jimmy, because he always wins duels to the death.
Cameras + swamp water = unhappy?

Square Bagels

This is another one of my friend, Jimmy's, latest observations. He has a very, very interesting thought process, to say the least.


Ok. So I'm at Sergio's house today along with Phillip and Stan. We had just finished band practice, and went downstairs to get something to feast upon. So Sergio reaches into his pantry and pulls out a bag of seemingly deformed bread. After inquiring about the strange yet tasty bread, Sergio informed me that they were square bagels. Yes, square bagels. I told Sergio that the notion was simply preposterous because bagels are round, but upon closer inspection, the plastic bag did indeed say, "Square bagels". This causes me and Sergio to get into an very heated debate over the existence of square bagels, and if the objects that we held in our hands were actual square bagels, or if they were just really retarded pieces of bread. The way I see it, there are problems with this logic. First off, a bagel is defined, according to dictionary.com, as such:

"A glazed, ring-shaped roll with a tough, chewy texture, made from plain yeast dough that is dropped briefly into nearly boiling water and then baked."

Please take careful note of the bold word. "Ring-shaped". Ring-shaped implies that it is in the shape of a ring, which is shaped, oddly enough, like this:

The above image is an actual picture of a REAL bagel. Bagels cannot be square, because a square is shaped like this:

Now, can someone please tell me how the above shape is in any way related to a ring shape? I'll tell you right now; IT'S NOT.

Therefore, the phrase "square bagel" is a paradox, and a logical impossibility.

Now, despite this clear paradox, Sergio decided to ignore basic logic, and insisted that, despite the given proof, square bagels do in fact exist because the label on the plastic bag said "Square bagels". If I took a box of strawberries and labeled it "cherries", would that make it a box of cherries? Of course it wouldn't. It would just make the person who labeled the box a moron.

So, we can now deduce from this logic that the so called "square bagels" are actually just radiation-deformed pieces of bread, and that the manufacturers who made them and labeled the packages are complete morons.

We can also deduce from this logic that Sergio is completely and utterly retarded, and refuses to acknowledge the most basic of logic.

Case closed.

Toilet Paper

My friend, Jimmy, writes some very interesting observations on things he sees in the world. Some of these are absoulutely hilarious, and some of them are so gross and inappropriate that hearing of such things will scar one's soul permanently. This is one he wrote a week or two ago, and I was inclined to share it with you because it's just so darn true. I will post his observation of square bagels on friday, too. Enjoy.

"I'm not sure how many of you do this, but when I get a new box of cereal, pop-tarts, shampoo, or something that comes in a box, I like to read the nutrition facts and such on the outside. Why? Because it's fun.

So the other day, as I was putting a new roll of toilet paper on the toilet paper roll, I realized that I've never actually read the toilet paper wrapping before. Out of sheer curiosity, I took a gander.

There wasn't much of ANYTHING on it, but the one thing that intrigued me was the little section at the bottom that said, "Questions or comments? Call us at -----."

It made me wonder, do people actually call toilet paper companies to comment on the toilet paper? It wasn't anything particularly special; it was a normal roll of toilet paper. But it also brings more questions to mind...

Do people actually call the toilet paper companies with questions?

"Can you explain to me how I'm supposed to work this dammed thing?"

"Do you use organic substances in your toilet paper?"

What's more, are there people who are paid to sit by the phones at these companies all day and answer these supposed questions and listen to these supposed comments? It concerns me that there are people out there who have real jobs, doing something to help the economy and do important stuff, but then you have people who are paid to listen to comments and answer questions about TOILET PAPER...

I now know my future job."